Archive for July, 2011

Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated…

July 30, 2011

Amid a great gnashing of teeth and much wailing (by Mrs. Lowe) I have brought great upheaval and uncertainty to the Lowe family compound…hence the lack of postage here…I quit my job the day after my last post, so my full-time job has been landing another one.

SteveC – I got your voicemail and e-mails – thanks for the concern and I will call you this weekend, brother – Semper Fi.

The good thing is, a bad penny always comes back around, so I figure I’ll land on my feet.

So, until regular postings return, here is something deep for you to ponder…

Thatisall…

 

The Parrot

July 7, 2011

At dawn the telephone rings, "Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead".

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"

"Si, Senor, that’s the one."

"Damn! That’s a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"

"From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod."

"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"

"Nobody, Senor . He ate the meat of the dead horse."

"Dead horse? What dead horse?"

"The thoroughbred, Senor Rod."

"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"

"Yes, Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."

"Are you insane? What water cart?"

"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor."

"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"

"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."

"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!"

"Yes, Senor Rod."

"But there’s electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"

"For the funeral, Senor Rod."

"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"

"Your wife’s, Senor Rod". She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I shot her with your new Kreighoff Limited Edition Custom Gold Engraved Trap Special with the custom

Wangi Exhibition Grade Stock.

SILENCE… LONG SILENCE…VERY LONG SILENCE.

"Ernesto, if you scratched that shotgun, you’re in deep shit.”

A real woman…

July 6, 2011

A real woman is a man’s best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down.
She will reassure him when he feels insecure  and comfort him after a bad day.
She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret.
She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.
She will make sure he always feels as though he’s the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible…

No wait……..Sorry.

I’m thinking of whiskey.  It’s whiskey that does all that shit.

Never mind.


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