With apologies to Willie, in St.Louis this week, so light posting and unfortunately no shooting.
Here is the view out my hotel room window. Pretty Cool.
Casino to the left…Heh. Meetings? What meetings?
Well, let’s see…
I had to go to Toronto last week for business. Despising the prospect of traveling through the airport as much as I do, what with the TSA monkeys and the “put your night cream in a clear plastic bag so we can all laugh at you,” I figured I would drive there. Driving would only cost me an extra hour and a half or so….
I took my son along as Navigator/Photographer/Alibi Testifier. It was an interesting trip I guess…The first thing we noticed out of the ordinary was around the Buffalo, New York area. We kept seeing these short buses on I-90.
Now, I don’t mean 2 or 3 of them, but bus after bus after bus…Going east and west. STG, we must have seen 30 of them before we stopped counting. They must have a lot of retarded kids in Buffalo. I wonder if it has something to do with the cold winters and snow and inbreeding. Or the fact that they are downstream from Cleveland.
We took a picture of the last American flag ion U.S. soil before crossing the bridge of no return. There is no sign like “Danger, beyond this point be Dragons!” But you pretty much know you are leaving civilization as you know it behind.
This is the bridge of no return over Lake Ontario into Canada from the U.S.
I figure the Canadians must have painted it that “Robin’s-egg, Baby-Boy, Candy-Ass Blue.” If the Americans had painted it it would be “Blood and Guts Red” or “Fire-Damaged Black” or something. We called it the bridge of no return because at this point it was too late to declare the Colt .45 and the Mossberg 590 pump shotgun under the seats. That’s the other reason I hate flying, stupid war on terrorism cuts into all my shooty fun!
Once over the bridge, we saw this:
Come, on, who really believes they had a ship wreck right there on the shore next to a major highway? Can you say Disney Pirates of the Caribbean Rip-Off? Probably wanted 42 Canadian Rupies just to go look at it or something…
Here is Lake Ontario off to our east (left for those of you from West Virgina). I guess we had to let them name it that according to the treaty of Versailles or something. It looked a hell of a lot like Lake Erie off to our west, but I ain’t telling them that.
And who are they fooling with that itty-bitty lighthouse? If it were real, they wouldn’t have been able to perpetrate that fraud of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” thrill ride in the last picture!
Once inside Canuckistan, we realized a couple of things. The Canadians really like their eco-friendly ways. I can’t tell you how many of these things we saw on the road.
You can’t see him, but the guy driving this was middle-aged and wearing a suit. Probably a lawyer or accountant-type. How the hell does he expect to be taken seriously when he pulls up to his client’s office in this tuna can? He was kind of smiling to himself and mumbling anyway. On second thought he was probably a member of Parliament.
They also have a lot of these…
Some kind of ecologically-correct UFO-antenna or something. Guaranteed not to kill baby seals or Great Northern Swallows.
We tried to find a BW3 for lunch, but all they had for wings was a place called “Duff’s.” Now, I don’t know about you, but I don’t trust my wing-making to a company that makes Homer Simpson’s beer and is housed in building that looks like a White Castle’s.
I can’t tell you how many of these we saw.
I know, its a shitty picture, but we were evading the po-lice at the time. Good thing they only drive those slow little “smart cars.” How smart are you now copper? Anyway, it’s a Tim Horton’s. Man those Canadians love their donuts and coffee, eh? There were Tim Horton’s every mile on that highway. We saw one Tim Horton’s inside a Home Depot (another American rip-off, they call it “Home Hardware” or something). Hell, when we stopped for lunch, there was a Tim Horton’s inside the Tim Horton’s – in case you get lost coming out of the bathroom I guess.
Coming into Toronto, you see this:
That’s just the icing on the “We are jealous of America” cake…
Obviously they infiltrated the “Plans and Drawings” section of the Seattle government. We went to the top, but it doesn’t even rotate like the one in Seattle or Las Vegas. There was a sign that says “Feed the Endangered Canadian Barn Owls” or some such. Under the sign is a machine that takes dollar bills and dispenses “Barn Owl Food.” But its just a half-cup of outdated Purina dog chow and the Barn Owls looked a lot like the pigeons I have seen in Chicago and New York…
We stayed at a nice hotel with good room service and plenty of Canadian whiskey. Although the staff was hard to understand, what with all their “aboots” and “going oots” and metrics and stuff. How many liters of Canadian Club in a fifth? And another thing. That stuff they call Canadian Bacon? It’s Ham! Don’t let them fool you when they say they are going to put bacon on the plate with your eggs. It’s ham!
On the way back, we decided to stop and spend some time at Niagara Falls, as it was only 20 minutes or so out of our way, and you can’t really claim to have had the American Experience if you haven’t seen the tri-fecta of world’s largest ball of twine in Darwin, Minnesota, the AA Baseball Hall of Fame in Akron, Ohio, and Niagara Falls.
This is one thing I don’t understand, however.
These poor schlubs paid like $20 each for the privilege of taking a 20-minute boat to (1) put on vinyl ponchos in 90-degree heat(a) see how many people they could jam on a boat – STG it looked like one of those ferries you hear about in Indonesia right before they capsize! (2) see how much they could sweat in 20 minutes, and (lastly) how close they could get to the falls before getting swamped.
That’s them right before realizing they might want to turn around and go BACK!
All in all, a good trip…But I was happy when I clicked together my
ruby blood-red cowboy boots and chanted “Their’s no place like BW3” three times…
From the New York Times today: WASHINGTON — Senator John McCain’s trip to Iraq last March was a low-key affair: With a small retinue of reporters chasing him abroad, the NBC News anchor Brian Williams reported on Mr. McCain’s visit there from New York, including it in the “in other political news” portion of his newscast.
Ida Mae Astute/ABC
Anchors Charles Gibson of ABC, left, Katie Couric of CBS and Brian Williams of NBC. They are working out the details of on-site interviews with Senator Barack Obama when he goes overseas.
But when Senator Barack Obama heads for Iraq and other places overseas this summer, Mr. Williams is planning to catch up with him in person, as are the other two network evening news anchors, Charles Gibson of ABC and Katie Couric of CBS, who, like Mr. Williams, are far along in discussions to interview Mr. Obama on successive nights.
Feh. “Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard.” —H.L. Mencken
“Barack Obama should in no way be upset about the cartoon that depicts him as a Muslim extremist, because you know who gets upset about cartoons? Muslim extremists.” – John Stewart, The Daily Show
Hat Tip to Kevin at The Smallest Minority.
These are terms people used to find your blog.
“Not your fucking friend”
Nor am I yours.
They smell like patchoulie oil and they like to collect junk.
“Concealed Carry Insurance”
It’s called a back-up gun
“Young Frankenstein Inga”
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: For the experiment to be a success, all of the body parts must be enlarged.
Inga: His veins, his feet, his hands, his organs vould all have to be increased in size.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Exactly.
Inga: He vould have an enormous schwanzstucker.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: That goes without saying.
Igor: He’s going to be very popular.
“Second Amendment Women”
Uuuh…I like them?
“Miss Isreal 2008”
First of all, you spelled it wrong. If you had spelled it right you would have gotten this:
And the bonus is, being from Israel, you know she can shoot!
From the Boxing Expert’s Blog: Canseco knocked for a loop in boxing debut
So Canseco thinks that just because he is big (6′ 4″, 248 lbs) and a former pro-“something” he can stand in the ring with the real thing.
“Sikahema, a Golden Gloves champ before his football career with more than 80 amateur fights, was giving away seven inches and 43 pounds. The size disadvantage had zero effect…”
“He came out here in first-class, (and is) flying home coach. That’s how we roll in Philly,” Sikahema said.