More TSA Theater…

TSA’s "Enhanced" Pat-Down Procedure Lets Their Fingers Do The Searching

In an effort to make air travel safer but less appealing, the TSA has begun using an "enhanced" pat-down procedure for those who would rather not subject themselves to a full-body scan. And if you’re a fan of having strangers touch you all over, then you should just get straight in line for this one…

…unlike the antiquated pat-down, which required TSA screeners to use the back of their hands when searching sensitive regions of your person — the enhanced pat-down allows them to use their palms and fingers to feel and prod passengers.

One traveler who got the deluxe treatment at Logan sums it up thusly: "If anybody ever groped me like that in real life, I would have punched them in their nose."


"TSA" – From now on I’m going to refer to it as the “Testicle Squeezing Authority."



6 Responses to “More TSA Theater…”

  1. stevec Says:

    “Testicle Squeezing Authority” Ha! Good one. Got any others for the gov’t alphabet squad?

    CIA: conformist intelligence approximations
    NSA: No secrets anymore
    FBI: fellatiating blowhard idiots (Mots, that means cocksuckers)
    DEA: drug exporters association
    BATF: Best Asshole Teammates Forever

    Your turn.

  2. T.S. Nunya Says:

    I’m going to tell ’em they can see it for five bucks, touch it for ten.

  3. T.S. Nunya Says:

    Curtis, since there are no TSAs at the private airfields, do you tell your passengers you’ll grope them if that will make them feel safe?

  4. stevec Says:

    My friend and former roommate at boat school is a Jet Blue pilot. I sent him Nunya’s suggestion and price scale. Still awaiting a response. Gate rape…who’d a thunk it.

  5. stevec Says:

    My friend’s response: “Are you kidding me? This is great. I get tips from the female agents and fund my 401k! “

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