It Ain’t Fair!!!

From Diversity Lane

I think this is behind the liberal left’s guilt at being American.  We have been in front too long – it’s some other country’s turn to shine.  Through our success, we have hurt others’ self-image and self esteem.  Like success is a zero-sum game.

This is a manifestation of that whole “It takes a village to raise a child” and “everyone gets a trophy” bullshit.

These are the idiots that it took a village to raise – and they all got trophies:

And that is the mind-set of dependence and entitlement and mediocrity.

Well sorry, I teach my kids differently.  Life is competition.  Competition is life.  Winning is not a sin.  Your reach should always exceed your grasp.  And you can’t save the world, but maybe you can save yourself and your family.  If Johhny doesn’t like that you beat him on the basketball court or in the classroom then Johnny should have worked harder.  Like you did.

All that “It takes a village” crap reminds me of coaching my kids’ sports when they were younger.  Mostly rec-league stuff like t-ball and soccer. 

One year, during one of my son’s coach-pitch baseball games, I was coaching first base.  We kept getting hits and I kept sending kids around to second base.  This happened at least ten times in a row.

Finally, a mother from the other team came stomping over and shook her finger in my face.  The conversation went something like this:

Bohemian Harridan: “You can’t do that!”

Curtis Lowe: “Do what?”

BH: “Run up the score like that!”

CL: “I think the score says different.”

BH “You shouldn’t keep sending them around to second and third base!!!  It’s not fair to our boys!”

CL: “Look lady, that’s how the game is played.  I’m not gonna stop a kid from getting his bases on a good hit just because your boy can’t play defense.”

BH (shrieking now): “My name’s not lady!”

CL: “Well, since you didn’t have the courtesy to introduce yourself when you stuck your finger in my face, “lady” was about the kindest description I could come up with.  I can think of a whole list of other things to call you if you want.”

BH (red-faced): “Somebody should stop this!!!”

CL (pointing): “How about your husband over there who sent you to talk to me?”

BH: “How do you know he’s my husband?!?!?!!!”

CL: “Because he won’t look at me.”

BH: “Asshole.”

We won 27-0.

Then there was the season I coached my daughter’s pee-wee soccer team.  The league rules said that (a) everyone had to play equal time, (b) nobody should keep score and (c) at the end of the season everyone did indeed get a trophy.

Don’t keep score?  That’s like taking a shower with your clothes on…what the hell is the point?  I mean sportsmanship is a great thing to teach kids, but come on, you gotta celebrate the wins!

So, in the spirit of sportsmanship, I taught my girls that every time they scored they should politely carry the ball back to mid-field and place it on the centerline in the circle for the other team to kick off…

All while repeating the number of total goals they had scored so far at the top of their lungs.

And so it went…

FOUR! FOUR! FOUR!”… “FIVE! FIVE! FIVE!”… “SIX! SIX! SIX!”

I got called out on that one by the League Coordinator.

League Coordinator: “I got a call that your girls are screaming out the score every time they get a goal.”

Curtis Lowe: “Screaming is a harsh word…we call it singing”

LC: “You can’t teach them that…”

CL: “I already did.”

LC: “No, I mean that’s not teaching them sportsmanship.”

CL: “Sure it is – they are politely encouraging the other team to score that many goals in order to tie the game.”

LC: “ That’s not what you are doing.  You are taunting the other team.”

CL: “You say taunting, I say ‘team-building’”

LC: “Well, be that as it may, we don’t keep score.”

CL: “So, the numbers don’t matter?”

LC: “Right”

CL: “So the number of minutes I play Erin instead of Suzie doesn’t matter?”

LC: “No you have to play everyone equally.”

CL: “So numbers DO matter?  You’re hurting my head.”

LC": “Look Mr. Lowe, you just need to stop keeping score out loud.”

CL: “Ahhhhhh.  OK.”

A couple of weeks later when we took the field, I had taught them to politely carry the ball back to mid-field and place it on the centerline in the circle for the other team to kick off…

And then dance all around the ball in a big circle with their arms across each others’ shoulders chanting the Haka War Dance – Kind of like the All Blacks do:

This too was not well received.  I am no lawyer, but I know what “cease and desist” means…

So the next Saturday we showed up in war paint.

It was the last game of the season, so what could they do to us?

That last day of the season was also trophy day.  Now, we had ceased and desisted in keeping score out loud, but I had told the girls how proud I was of them going undefeated for the entire season (not really a tough thing to do when you are playing against people who don’t want their kids to “compete”).

So as each one of the girls on my team heard their name called and went up to receive their trophy in front of all the other teams and parents…they smiled, shook hands, accepted their trophies, said “thank you,” and then as they made their way back to their teammates, they held their trophy over their head like it was like the Wimbledon Cup and chanted “10 and 0!" “10 and 0!” “10 and 0!”

It takes a village my ass…

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One Response to “It Ain’t Fair!!!”

  1. stevec Says:

    “girls?” See, right there’s your problem! No wonder they were pissed at you when you let Cole play in his sister’s league!

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