The Parrot

At dawn the telephone rings, "Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead".

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"

"Si, Senor, that’s the one."

"Damn! That’s a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"

"From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod."

"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"

"Nobody, Senor . He ate the meat of the dead horse."

"Dead horse? What dead horse?"

"The thoroughbred, Senor Rod."

"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"

"Yes, Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."

"Are you insane? What water cart?"

"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor."

"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"

"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."

"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!"

"Yes, Senor Rod."

"But there’s electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"

"For the funeral, Senor Rod."

"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"

"Your wife’s, Senor Rod". She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I shot her with your new Kreighoff Limited Edition Custom Gold Engraved Trap Special with the custom

Wangi Exhibition Grade Stock.

SILENCE… LONG SILENCE…VERY LONG SILENCE.

"Ernesto, if you scratched that shotgun, you’re in deep shit.”

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5 Responses to “The Parrot”

  1. Joe Says:

    Priorities are important.

  2. stevec Says:

    Speaking of long silences…Curtis disappears and suddenly Greek default negotiations flounder, Italy is on the brink of default, Spain and Portugal edge closer to disaster and Greek-style riots, and Britain gets caught up in a hacking and bribery scandal involving a tabloid paper and various public officials. Coincidence?

  3. stevec Says:

    The silence continues, along with growing unrest at Washington’s inability to cut spending. Readers wonder what’s next and if Curtis is in D.C.

  4. Levi Says:

    I have read most of the archived stuff, and need some fresh material. How hard is it to just cut and paste something?

  5. stevec Says:

    Sing it with me: where have you gone Curtis freakin’ Lowe, 3 readers turn their lonely eyes to you…

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